Waiting

For any one who has been through any kind of diagnostic testing, you know the process. You are tested – you wait – you worry – you wait – you worry some more – you wait and then you hear the news.

For me I decided to cut out the worry bits. I figured “what is the point”. If I turn myself inside out with worry and hear, “it is nothing” then I will think, “why did I waste all of that energy worrying?” Or I could hear, “I am sorry it is Breast Cancer” then I will think, “why did I waste all of that time worrying?”

Worrying wasn’t going to change the outcome, be it good or bad, so I just carried on living. After all, I had a fabulous 5 year old daughter to have fun with and a new man in my life. It was Spring and everything was in bloom. Life was looking pretty good. I had never felt healthier or more alive.

I thought I would have to wait two weeks, but the Radiologist must have taken a shine to me because he expedited the results. A week later my doctor called me to her office. I knew the results were likely not good or she would have told me over the phone.

When I arrived, she met me at the door (very odd – you usually wait in the waiting room with a bunch of people who are really sick – I still was not sick – at least in my mind). We went into the examining room and with a grim face she said, “I am sorry Kim, it is Breast Cancer”. I think she was taking the news harder than I was.

I did not miss a step. I just looked her in the eye and said, “Well, I guess we better deal with it then”. You would think I was talking about lancing a boil, when I think back now. The enormity really had not set in. Funny thing is – even now – I still don’t think it has. Maybe that is a good thing.

I was booked to see the surgeon one week later. The wait was over – for now.

"I don't feel sick"