Last Day of Summer Holidays

It is hard to believe that our summer is slipping into fall. All the kids go back to school tomorrow after two and half months of parks, beaches, camping, foreign lands, iPods, texting and in our case - transforming into a teenager.

My daughter is going into high school. A very exciting, but scary time. She and four of her gal pals decided they wanted to go shopping yesterday to pick up that last minute perfect outfit for the first day of school. I eagerly agreed to take them and was looking forward to seeing what kinds of clothing they would pick. That is when I realized my daughter was looking at me like I had a third eye.

"Mom, we will be OK, you can just drop us off" - I got the 'dis' (that would be the dismissal). I when from cool to embarrassing overnight. I knew it was going to happen - I just was not prepared. I did not think it would be this early.

Stay tuned - I think we are in for a bumpy ride! Gulp.

In my next entry I'll tell you about the 'dinner conversation' we had the other day - I managed to slip in some breast health topics.

Wishing yourself away

With all of the year end activities going on with my 12 year old daughter I am a little preoccupied with the transition from child to teen. So forgive me if my entries for awhile have a common theme.

My daughter loves sports, as a result she sweats. With the sweat comes the odd pimple. When she was getting ready for her dinner dance she pleaded with me to use some kind of cover-up to eliminate the sight of a few little spots she had on her chest.

This scenario vividly reminded me how insecure I got at that age. Strong in some ways, but always with the self doubting. My girlfriends were all more popular with the boys, prettier, slimmer, had nicer skin, perfect hair....

We are sucked into this vortex of what is physically beautiful. Now I know that physical beauty really has nothing to do with how attractive you are. At the time I could not be convinced of that and I am sure I will struggle to convince my daughter now.

I hear her say, "I wish my hair was ...., I wish my skin was..., I wish...."

She cannot wish her self away. She cannot be someone else, but then they cannot be her, although I am sure there are many who wish they could be - she is pretty awesome. All I need to do is somehow get her to see how amazing she is and how to embrace herself.

We age and lose physical beauty. We have surgeries that take away our breasts. What endures is our 'self'. It is our 'self' that really makes us beautiful, strong, charismatic, funny, intelligent and more. I never want to wish that away.

Confidence

So how is it that we are bouncing along all full of life, no cares, lots of confidence and then BANG we hit 12 and our self esteem hits the floor?

Shopping for my daughter’s grade 7 year end dress at the second hand store was not the usual adventure of fun, imagination and stories. She did not want to look for a dress, she certainly did not want to try anything on and no stories about previous owners were going to be told (read the last entry where I explain this).

A friend and her 14 year old daughter had joined us (thank goodness). The girls wandered through the store laughing and picking up household items. I finally convinced the girls to join us in the clothing by threatening them with the statement that I would not leave the store until at least one dress was tried on. Ugh.

We started combing through the dresses. The 14 year old kept finding really cute dresses and handing them to my daughter, who out right rejected them, pulling faces and pretending to barf. She finally settled on two and dragged herself to the change room.

She emerged in one dress, shoulders slumped forward, dower look on her face. She looked like she was going to cry. I shuffled her back into the change room, with encouragement. The next dress, her body language was happier – but not by much. The 14 year old cooed over this one and I could see the deflated self esteem filling up with every word of praise. The teen grabbed a little shrug sweater and the look was complete.

Later we tried to get some shoes. We settled on high tops. It looks really funky and really represents how unique, funny and wonderful she is. I hope her confidence stays with her so she will go through with the look.

P.S. in the car on the way home my daughter told me a young Japanese girl named Yoko previously owned the dress and had worn it on her first date with the man she ended up marrying. My little girl is still there she is just trapped inside a teenager.